Do You Have the Right Perspective?

If you think about the last argument you were involved in at work - or overheard - can you recall what it was about? Sometimes we want to be heard, or are upset about being asked to do more work, but there are many other reasons, too. At home, couples often fight about their finances, a topic that can also be cause for consternation at work.

Early in my career a lot of conversations seemed difficult. The time I had to confront a colleague who thought it was okay to go through people's lunches and help himself to their food was one of them, and telling my father that I had added a scrape the size of a sheet of paper to the side of the family Buick was another. I still don't look forward to hotly debated budget allocation meetings, where people are on edge before we even get started, but I have a much more refined toolkit now and I can manage.

It helps to be a good listener when we speak with others, and this is something I have to work at. I used to think I was a great listener, but nowadays I find other thoughts pressing at the periphery and I have to consciously bring myself back to what's being said. This is embarrassing but I think it's helpful for people to know that they aren't alone; we all let our minds wander. Sometimes we're just not interested in hearing the same story from the same person for the fourth time this week. Other times we have a lot on the go and we've convinced ourselves that if we can just get a little more done today than we did yesterday, we'll get ahead.

If I'm not listening with an open mind - and heart - I really don't get what the other person wants as easily. Of course, sometimes this is also related to their approach. If they would just tell me what is troubling them or what they need, that would make my job easier. Lots of people are not comfortable with being direct; they prefer to leave hints and hope that I work it out for myself, but that actually takes me extra energy that I just may not have. How do you approach things? Are you direct or not? Is it working for you?

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